Saturday, March 29, 2008

How I'm Feeling

Have you ever felt like screaming? Just screaming and screaming and screaming, until someone comes and carries you away and drugs you into oblivion? That is how I'm feeling today.

Thursday, March 27, 2008



If we could have a lifetime wish,

A dream that would come true.

We’d pray and hope with all our hearts,

For yesterday and you.

A thousand words can’t bring you back,

We know because we tried.

Neither will a thousand tears,

We know because we’ve cried.

You left behind our broken hearts,

And happy memories too.

But we never wanted memories

We only wanted you.


Tuesday, March 25, 2008

What NOT to say to a military wife

A friend of mine sent this to me the other day, and I just loved it. I could SO relate.

1. "Aren't you afraid that he'll be killed?"
(This one ranks in at number one on the "duh" list. Of course we're afraid. We're terrified. The thought always lingers at the backs of our minds ---but thanks brilliant, you just brought it back to the front.)

2. "I don't know how you manage. I don't think I could do it."
(This is intended to be a compliment. Though, its just a little annoying. Here's why: it's not like all of us military wives have been dreaming since childhood of the day we'd get to be anxious single moms who carry cell phones with us to the bathroom and in the shower. We're not made of some mysterious matter that makes us more capable, we just got asked to take on a challenging job. So we rose to the challenge and found the strength to make sacrifices.)

3. "At least he's not in Iraq."
(This is the number one most annoying comment for those whose husbands are in Afghanistan. What do they think is happening in Afghanistan? An international game of golf? Guys are fighting and dying over there.)

4. "Do you think he'll get to come home for Christmas/anniversary/birthday/birth of a child/wedding/family reunion, etc?"
(Don't you watch the news? No! They don't get to come home for any of these things. Please don't ask again.)

5. "What are you going to do to keep yourself busy while he's gone?"
(Short answer: Try to keep my sanity. Maybe there's a military wife out there who gets bored when her husband leaves, but I have yet to meet her. For the rest of us, those with and without children, we find ourselves having to be two people. That keeps us plenty busy. We do get lonely, but we don't get bored, and drinking massive amounts of wine always helps keep me busy.)

6. "How much longer does he have until he can get out?"
(This one is annoying to many of us whether our husbands are deployed or not. Many of our husbands aren't counting down the days until they "can" get out. Many of them keep signing back up again and again because they actually love what they do or they VOLUNTEER AGAIN and AGAIN to go back to Iraq b/c there is work that needs to be done.)

7. "This deployment shouldn't be so bad, now that you're used to it."
(Sure, we do learn coping skills and its true the more deployments you've gone through, the easier dealing with it becomes. And we figure out ways to make life go smoother while the guys are gone. But it never gets "easy" and the bullets and bombs don't skip over our guys just because they've been there before. The worry never goes away.)

8. "My husband had to go to Europe for business once for three weeks. I totally know what you're going through."
(This one is similar to number two. Do not equate your husband's three week trip to London/Omaha/Tokyo/etc. with a 12-15 month or more deployment to a war zone. Aside from the obvious time difference, nobody shot at your husband or tried to blow him up with an I.E.D., your husband could call home pretty much any time he wanted to, he flew comfortably on a commercial plane, slept between crisp white sheets and ate well, paying for everything with an expense account. There is no comparison. We do not feel bonded to you in the slightest because of this comment and, if anything, we probably resent you a bit for it. Comparing a 12 month combat deployment to a few weeks business trip is like comparing a shitty Ford Taurus with Mercedes convertible.) -- ok I HAVE to add to this one... I hate it when people say, oh he's gone for ONLY 7 months? Mine left for 9 months or 1 year. This pisses me off! I'm considered "lucky" but why can't ya'll just see the fact that HE'S GONE!!! No matter how long it is, it's hard and we cope! GRRRR!!! ~v~

9. "Wow you must miss him?"
(This one also gets antoher big "duh". Of course we miss our men. There are some wives who do not and they're now divorced.)

10. "Where is he exactly? Where is that?"
(I don't expect non-military folks to be able to find Anbar Province on a map, but they should know by now that it's in Iraq. Likewise, know that Kabul and Kandahar are in Afghanistan. Know that Muqtada al Sadr is the insurgent leader of the Mahdi Army in Iraq and that Sadr City is his home area. Know that Iran is a major threat to our country and that it is located between Afghanistan and Iraq. Our country has been at war in Afghanistan for seven years and at war in Iraq for five years. These basic facts are not secrets, they're on the news every night and in the papers every day ---and on maps everywhere.)

11. "Well, he signed up for it, so it's his own fault whatever happens over there.
(Yes, ignorant, he did sign up. Each and every day he protects your right to make stupid comments like that. He didn't sign up and ask to be hit by anything, he signed up to protect his country. Oh, and by the way, he asked me to tell you that "You're welcome." He's still fighting for your freedom.)

12. "Don't you miss sex! I couldn't do it!"
(hmmm, no I don't miss sex. I'm a robot. seriously...military spouses learn quickly that our relationships must be founded on something greater than sex. We learn to appreciate the important things, like simply hearing their voices, seeing their faces, being able to have dinner together every night. And the hard truth is, most relationships probably couldn't withstand 12 months of sex deprivation.)

13. "Well in my opinion....."
(Stop right there. Yo, I didn't ask for you your personal political opinions. Hey, I love a heated political debate, but not in the grocery store, not in Jamba Juice, not at Nordstrom, not in a bar when I'm out with my girls trying to forget the war, and CERTAINLY NOT AT WORK. We tell co-workers about deployments so when we have to spend lunch hours running our asses off doing errands and taking care of the house, dog, and kids, they have an understanding. We do not tell co-workers and colleagues because we are giving an invitation to ramble about politics or because we so eagerly want to hear how much they hate the President, esp. while we're trying to heat up our Lean Cuisines in the crappy office microwaves.)

and last but not least....

14. "OH, that's horrible...I'm so sorry!"
(He's doing his job and he's a badass. Don't be sorry. Be appreciative and please take a moment out of your comfortable American lives to realize that our soldiers fight the wars abroad so those wars stay abroad.)

If you want to say anything, say thank you. After all, we are sexually deprived for your freedom

Friday, March 14, 2008

No Heartbeat Act

Hi, everyone. There is something that I desperately want you to do for me. Right now, the Ga House of Representatives is debating and voting on SB 381- The No Heartbeat Act. Basically, what this will do is make it a law in Georgia that allows parents of stillborn children to obtain a Certificate of Birth Resulting in Stillbirth. Below is information on how you can do this. All you have to do is find your Ga House representative and their email address or phone number. There is a link following to that information. There are also letter templates in the following information. All you have to do is copy it, paste it onto your email, fill in your info and send to your rep. Please do this for me. If you do not live in Georgia, but you know someone who does, please ask them to contact their representative.

Ethan's info: Ethan Isaac Shark Brokhoff, 7 lbs, 2 oz. He was born at Fort Stewart, GA.


Dear All,
No Heartbeat - SB 381for a CBRS is in the House. The Senate passed this bill for a Certificate of Birth Resulting in Stillbirth, CBRS, on 2.21.08 - 48 to 0. We can not assume this will happen in the House. We need emails from all over Georgia during the last ten days of this year's Legislative Session. No Heartbeat Act/SB 381 for a CBRS will be voted on in several House committees and then on the House floor.Please, whether you have experienced a stillbirth or not, send a *positive* email (or phone call) to YOUR representative today. Ask your Georgian family and friends to do this as well. NUMBERS of supporters DOES matter. WE MUST SEND a CLEAR MESSAGE - SB 381/CBRS - YES. *Together* - we can make a difference.

Process: FIND YOUR Representative; Use Suggested TEMPLATES

1. Find YOUR Representative's email address and/or phone number:a. Find YOUR Representative On the left hand column there are various ways for you to "find your representative." You pick the one that is easiest for you. Click on their email address.

b. If you know your Reps name...go here for email information, etc.

2. Email, Write or/and Call YOUR Representative using one of these suggested formats:

a. A "THANK YOU" Template or Phone Script from YOU, your Georgian FAMILY and FRIENDS"Dear Representative {Your Representative's Last Name},
"I am a constituent from {TOWN or COUNTY}. Thank you for your consideration in voting yes on the "No Heartbeat Act"/SB 381 when it comes to the next House Committee meeting or the House Floor during the last part of Legislative Session 2008. I am a {mother, father, grandmother, aunt, uncle, friend, cousin, etc.) (of a close friend, family member) who has experienced a stillbirth of (our, their) precious child, {Optional: BABY'S NAME and DATE}. This bill would bring (me, them, them and me) and many others much comfort and closure. Thank you for your support.Best Regards, {your name}"

b. A "THANK YOU" Template or Phone Script from YOU if you are a PROFESSIONAL or a SUPPORTER who wishes to support this bill"Dear Representative {Your Representative's Last Name},I am a constituent from {TOWN or COUNTY}. Thank you for your consideration in voting yes on the "No Heartbeat Act"/SB 381 when it comes to the next House Committee meeting or to the House Floor during the last part of Legislative Session 2008. I am a {nurse, social worker, clergy, Stephen's ministry, Hospice Atlanta, Supporter etc.) who supports this important bill. {Its passage will mean a great deal to me because of the work I do with parents who have experienced a stillbirth.} This bill would bring much comfort and closure to the many (1100 each year) Georgian families who have experienced the tragic loss of their baby due to stillbirth. Thank you for your support.Best Regards, {your name}"

3. Fill the template in with YOUR name and correct information. Place this in the Subject Line: "Yes"- "No Heartbeat Act"/SB 381 For more information on the Certificate of Birth Resulting in Stillbirth

Monday, March 10, 2008


Before I left Tenn, one of my friends insisted that I set up a myspace account so that we could keep in touch. I thought it was pretty silly, because I have email and I talk to her on the phone everyday, anyway. But, she set me up with an account, and I have to tell you, I am addicted. There are so many of my friends who are on there, so it makes it easier to keep in touch with people. I don't know if any of you have an account, but my address there is Check it out and sign up. Amanda has a page too, but she just signed up so she could see everyone else's. You can email her through it, though. Love you!