Monday, July 14, 2008


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Friday, July 11, 2008

Oh, it's HOT!!!

Oh my goodness. It is 95 degrees in Savannah and our AC broke this morning. It will be Monday afternoon before anyone can come and look at it. Thank the Lord we are going to North Georgia today for Sid's birthday. If not, we would have been renting a hotel room for the weekend. I don't know how people used to do it...I'd need to move up North if not for the AC. :)

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Normal Again?

What is "normal" anyway? Is it in comparison to a group of people, the majority of people, or just the way that a person generally acts? Why do people get so upset if the way that a person acts changes? If an alcoholic stops drinking, that's a great change. If someone stops eating horribly and starts exercising, no one gets upset that they are no longer acting "normally". If you have a child and that child survives and stays well, your "normal" still changes, because now you are daily caring for a child. Why do people think that the death of a child will not change a person? Or that if your child becomes ill and changes personality that you should not change your outlook, your "normal"?

Anytime that someone goes through a major change, their personality, daily activities, and outlook changes at least slightly, if not tremedously. Of course Ethan's death changed me. I had no idea that stillbirth happened still in developed countries when the pregnancy was uneventful and the baby was healthy. Since his death, I have not only had to deal with all the emotions, but I want to raise awareness...that's part of my new "normal". Yesterday, we took the boys to see a movie. It started, and it was really loud...Jake and Will were enthralled. But my first thought was, 'Wow, I wonder if Ethan would have been able to stay in here?' It didn't cause me pain like it used to, I no longer break down when those thoughts sneak up on me, but they are there, daily. The "What If's?" I suppose that they will always be there, and that is okay. It is my new normal, my new me. So, when am I going to be normal again? I's just a different normal.

Tuesday, July 08, 2008


The Savannah Morning News came and took photos yesterday for the article. They wanted a picture of us along with some of the things that we have from Ethan. I showed her his footprints, my necklace, etc. Got to his lock of hair and I lost it, had to leave the room. It was really emotional, just really left me feeling raw. After she left, Andy started going through the box. I don't think that he has ever gone through it before, ever read the cards we received before. I sent the boys next door so we could be alone and go through it. Difficult doesn't begin to describe it. I was sad again, but more than anything, I was furious...Furious that I don't have him, furious that all I have is a box of memories. My emotions were on overload and I was not being really careful while I was cooking. I wound up spilling some boiling water on my foot. Now I have a lovely 2nd degree burn over the top of my foot and I can't use the antibiotic cream they normally prescribe because I am allergic to it. So I'm putting vitamin E, aloe and fish oil on my foot, which smells really nice. :) At least it took my focus off of our loss. **Whew!!** It feels good to rant sometimes!

Wednesday, July 02, 2008


We went to Charleston last week. In the first picture, my children are standing on a cannon from Fort Sumter. They were told to touch nothing in the museum and I turned around and caught them doing that...Will said, "I not touching it, Mama" ;) We had a great time.