Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Will and Ethan

Will was 27 months old when Ethan died. Really just too young to understand what was going on or to be affected by it...I thought. He really has never said anything or done anything to make me believe otherwise. Right after Ethan's death, he would ask about him sometimes, but not in such a long, long time. But now ...

He asked me one day last week if he could have a baby brother. Before I could say anything, Jake told him that Ethan was his baby brother. Will responded with, "I no like him. He's dead!" I completely understand what he is saying in his three year old way. He doesn't like that Ethan is dead and he still wants a baby brother to play with. I get it. Then today, he went and got Ethan's pictures and brought them to me. He asked if he could look at "Dead Ethan". As opposed to his "Friend Ethan", I suppose, who is at his school. And that is how he refers to him. Anytime he talks about his friend Ethan, he always clarifies with, "not Dead Ethan."

I get it; I understand. I just HATE THIS!!!

Friday, November 14, 2008

For the Fathers

After Ethan's death, I can honestly say that I had a wonderful, caring support system. I didn't answer the phone often, but knowing that people were calling, that they were praying, meant so much to me. So many people who I know from years past right up to that day called me and sent me cards, asked how I was doing. There were a few calls to Andy, also, especially right at first. But as the days wore on, as the months passed, there were not so many calls for him. There were still quite a few to him, asking him how I was. I guess that it is easy to see how it is difficult for the mother who carried the child and bonded with the child in the womb. It can be easy to think that the father wouldn't feel that loss, because he had not carried the child for those 9 months. On Ethan's birthday, I had several people call to check up on me, to let me know how much they love us and Ethan. You will never know how much that means to me. Andy only had one person call him; my brother in law who managed to get to a phone and make a call from Iraq. The fact that someone had thought of him and reached out on that painful day meant so much to him. There were people who he thought would call, who didn't...I don't know if it even occurred to them or if they forgot... I'm not trying to guilt anyone. There are a lot of people who read this who are going through or who know someone who is going through a similar situation. I just wanted to say, don't forget the Daddy's. They are hurting, too.

Written by Eileen Knight Hagemeister
to her son-in-law after his baby girl was born still

It must be very difficult
To be a man in grief,
Since "men don't cry" and "men are strong"
No tears can bring relief.
It must be very difficult
To stand up to the test
And field calls and visitors
So she can get some rest.
They always ask if she's all right
And what she's going through
But seldom take his hand and ask,
"My friend, but how are you?"
He hears her crying in the night
And thinks his heart will break
And dries her tears and comforts her
But "stays strong" for her sake.
It must be very difficult
To start each day anew
And try to be so very brave ~
He lost his baby too. . .

Thursday, November 06, 2008


My last year of high school, I went to work at The Pink Pig restaurant in Cherry Log, GA. My parents knew the owner, Bud Holloway, and agreed that I could work there. I loved working there. The money was good, especially for a teenager with no bills to pay. The customers were friendly and most knew me, even if I didn't know them...which is just life in a small town where your parents, grandparents, and even great-grandparents have lived. I often had someone tell me as they were leaving, "Tell your parents hi" or "Tell your grandparent's we said hello". I even once had someone tell me that they remembered when "Miss Emma played the piano at church." Miss Emma being my Great-Grandmother. But the best part of working there was Bud. All of "his girls" came to love Bud like a grandfather. He is quick with wit, stubborn as a mule and just the most wonderful person. He can have a quick temper, but I can't remember him ever being upset with me. I do remember once having to hold him back from throttling some jerk who told me he wanted a "pretty little waitress, nothing on her, hold the thighs." Yes, that's right. It was so vulgar I remember it word for word 15 years later. Well, that and the fact that I thought Bud was going to kill him.

Bud has just found out that he has cancer and that it is incurable. I have cried tonight until my eyes are swollen. I called him, even though it was late, so I could talk to him. I apologized for calling so late; he told me "late" wasn't until midnight. He asked if I thought I would be up for a visit anytime soon. I told him that we were coming at Thanksgiving and we would be banging on his door then. I hope that we get to see him. I feel like I am losing a beloved member of my family. I guess that's because I am.

Saturday, November 01, 2008


The boys had a great time Trick or Treating. They carried pillow cases so they could get lots of candy, but by the end of the night, Mommy was carrying both pillow cases. You know it's time to go home when the candy is too heavy to carry. :) They had just as much fun handing out the candy as they did getting it. They were handing out hand fulls. At one point, I heard a teenager exclaim, "Hey, thanks buddy!" I turned and saw both kids giving him two handfuls of candy each. I'm sure he thought he had hit the jackpot.

We had to have a pirate pumpkin.

Getting ready to go Trick-or-Treating

Going through the spoils at the end of the night