Monday, October 20, 2008

Ethan's Name in the Sand

Isn't this beautiful? This is Ethan's name in the sand in Australia. Carly and Sam Dudley started this project in memory of their son, Christian. You can visit their website at To see Ethan's name on their site, just scroll down or click on his name on the left. I "met" Carly on the MISS Foundation support forums, There are so many parents who have children waiting for them in heaven who I have met through this and the ivillage support site who I draw comfort from every day. You ladies are an inspiration daily and I thank you all.

This is Ethan's name at Cocoa Cocoa Beach, Fl. Sara, another lady I have met who through this, wrote his name there for me. Thank you, Sara. It is breathtakingly beautiful.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

That Time of Year Again

That's right...Festival Time!! Last weekend marked the beginning of the Apple Festival in Ellijay. Although it sounds like fun again this year, inflation has caused the price of two hotdogs and two drinks to skyrocket to $16.00, so I'm kind of glad I'm missing it.

We've been busy with festivals around here, also. Last weekend, the boys and I went to Tybee Island for the Pirate Parade and Festival. This is one of the boys favorites; they love to dress up and say cool things like "Shiver me timbers, matey."

At the beginning of the parade, a pirate ship makes it's way down the street, shooting cannons. Jake thinks it's "awesome", but Will hid his eyes and then made me hold him the rest of the time.

This weekend marks the 10th annual Seafood Festival here in Richmond Hill. We went this morning and had a blast. They set up seafood booths in the Pavilion. I had to laugh ... there we were surrounded by fresh off the boat seafood, and my two boys are eating pizza and hotdogs. We then went to the fair, which my children call a carnival because that's what Dora calls it. They had a blast, riding the rides and seeing their friends. I was a little nervous to attempt it on my own, but it helps take their mind of their Daddy being gone. I just have a few more weekends to keep them busy before he will be home again for a little while.

Although we are home now and the boys are in bed, we live close enough that I can hear Charlie Daniels singing at the concert from my living room. It literally sounds like he is in my backyard. Hope that everyone else had a "festive" weekend.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

October 15 ~ Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance

Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. Tonight at 7:00 pm, we lit candles for all babies who are no longer with us, to honor and remember them. This remembrance is for all babies who have died due to miscarriage, stillbirth, SIDS or any other type of infant death. The thought is that if everyone around the world, in all the different time zones, light their candles at 7:00 then there will be a continuous wave of light throughout the day in honor of all our children.

There are so many people in my family, so many friends who have been touched by pregnancy and infant loss, who have been hit by miscarriage. I think that I am so obvious because my loss happened so late in my pregnancy. However, I consider all of our babies just that...babies, right from the very beginning. I have held a mother as she cried over an early miscarriage, tried to comfort over the miles through the phone. I know the devastation that a loss brings, period, no matter how early or how late in the pregnancy. Please, as you remember me and my family today, remember all the other moms that you know who holding little ones in their hearts until the precious day they can hold them in their arms.

Here is a picture of Ethan's candle.

Monday, October 13, 2008

More Pictures from Ethan's Balloon Release

Ethan's Balloon Release

My computer did not want to download the pictures, which is why I am so late posting these. We took these in Ellijay the weekend after Ethan's birthday. It is hard to put into words exactly how I felt that day, but I will try. If you read my earlier post about his birthday, you will see that I struggled with "celebrating" when he was not here with us. But I really wanted to recognize his birth and we decided that a balloon release was a perfect way to do that.

The beauty of that day to me was not in the balloons as they floated to the sky (ah, trees, lol). The beauty was what I saw when we turned the corner and started up that long hill to his gravesite. You see, there was A LOT going on that day. There was a surprise birthday party to get together, a little league football player and 4 year old cheerleader to watch, and some gardening to help with. And yet, when we turned that corner ... oh, my, what a sight. I told my sister about a month earlier that I wanted to release balloons when we were in Ellijay that weekend. She asked if she could come. When I mentioned to my cousin (who was planning a surprise birthday party for her mother that day) what I would be doing before the party, she asked if they could come. I spoke to my parents about it...they didn't ask if they could come...I don't think it was ever really a question for them that they would be there to help us honor Ethan. I texted a friend to tell her I was in town and that we would be releasing balloons... that's all, no details, no time ... and yet, I start up that long hill, and there she was. Along with so many people I had not even talked to, but there they were, supporting us. You see, I didn't have to INVITE anyone. They all came, because they love me, because they love my family and because they especially love my son who they never got to meet. How blessed am I? That's all I could think. Look at the people who love my son!!

The acknowledgement of Ethan means so much. To show that they loved him; that even if it was uncomfortable to them, even though they had to go out of their way and rearrange plans ... all I can say is Thank You. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for loving us and supporting us the way that you have. I know that there were a lot of people who live far away and didn't even know about it, but would have been there if they had (Gin). I just love you all for the support that you have shown us this year.

Thursday, October 09, 2008

Halloween - Not Expecting This

Last night we drove around the neighborhood looking at Halloween lights. The house right across the street from us has one of those spooky, fake cemeteries. As we are getting out of the car, Jake asked me if Ethan was in a cemetery. I told him Ethan was in heaven, but he pressed on and asked if his body was in a cemetery. He wanted to know if it was scary, like the ones at Halloween, because "Scooby and Shaggy are ALWAYS afraid of the cemetery because there are monsters there." *sigh*

Tonight he drew a picture for Ethan and then asked me if we could have another brother. I just never thought that Halloween would make him think of Ethan, although I totally get the correlation. But here I sit, 3 hours after the boys have gone to bed, still crying because a fake cemetery reminds my boy of his brother. Just hurting tonight.