Friday, November 14, 2008

For the Fathers

After Ethan's death, I can honestly say that I had a wonderful, caring support system. I didn't answer the phone often, but knowing that people were calling, that they were praying, meant so much to me. So many people who I know from years past right up to that day called me and sent me cards, asked how I was doing. There were a few calls to Andy, also, especially right at first. But as the days wore on, as the months passed, there were not so many calls for him. There were still quite a few to him, asking him how I was. I guess that it is easy to see how it is difficult for the mother who carried the child and bonded with the child in the womb. It can be easy to think that the father wouldn't feel that loss, because he had not carried the child for those 9 months. On Ethan's birthday, I had several people call to check up on me, to let me know how much they love us and Ethan. You will never know how much that means to me. Andy only had one person call him; my brother in law who managed to get to a phone and make a call from Iraq. The fact that someone had thought of him and reached out on that painful day meant so much to him. There were people who he thought would call, who didn't...I don't know if it even occurred to them or if they forgot... I'm not trying to guilt anyone. There are a lot of people who read this who are going through or who know someone who is going through a similar situation. I just wanted to say, don't forget the Daddy's. They are hurting, too.

Written by Eileen Knight Hagemeister
to her son-in-law after his baby girl was born still

It must be very difficult
To be a man in grief,
Since "men don't cry" and "men are strong"
No tears can bring relief.
It must be very difficult
To stand up to the test
And field calls and visitors
So she can get some rest.
They always ask if she's all right
And what she's going through
But seldom take his hand and ask,
"My friend, but how are you?"
He hears her crying in the night
And thinks his heart will break
And dries her tears and comforts her
But "stays strong" for her sake.
It must be very difficult
To start each day anew
And try to be so very brave ~
He lost his baby too. . .

1 comment:

Bev Johnston said...

So true!!! Many people do not think about the daddy's that are going through the same loss as the mommy's are. It is an unfair thing that occurs because our husbands are so busy being strong for us that others don't know how deeply they are hurting too. Please let your DH know that he isn't alone!