Tuesday, December 15, 2009


I haven't written here in so long. I have just been empty. I have had nothing to say here, I stopped going to my support group because I was just completely dried up. I spent so long feeling so much, it was overwhelming. Now, I'm back and completely heartbroken for my friend. Her baby boys have just gone to heaven and I just don't understand. When your child dies, you spend so much of your time trying to come up with some reason, some type of understanding. And the understanding that you come to is that there is no understanding. You just somehow, through lots and lots of prayer, finally reach peace. It is a fragile peace, one that can be disrupted, but it is a peace and an acceptance.

The truth is, I'm so incredibly angry right now I punch holes in my walls. IT ISN'T FAIR! Why do we have to go through this? Why does any mother have to bury a child? I'm back to not understanding, I'm back to anger. I cannot find words to be eloquent or to say the right thing. I'm pissed and I'm sad and I don't know what to do.

Please pray for my friend, Amy and her husband Craig.

1 comment:

Tonya said...

I will pray for Amy and Craig. I don't understand it either. I'm so glad you posted about your feelings. You don't have to be eloquent or have the right words. In my opinion there are no right words when a parents loses a child, at least none to explain it. I've finally come to a point in my grief where I have peace...but not understanding. I don't know if you read that post of mine or not. That doesn't mean I like it because I don't. That doesn't mean that I don't still miss Grady, because I do. I wish SOOO badly he was here. I will never understand this side of heaven why Grady or Ethan or any baby/child must die. It seems shallow, but let those feelings come and let them be what they are. They are a part of your healing. Grief isn't a straight and narrow. It's a mean, winding journey. Hang in there. Sending you a (((BIG HUG))). Praying for you and your friends.